Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably seen at least one episode of HGTV’s (very scripted) house hunting show. My family and I are driven to madness listening to the “home buyers” valley girl speak, baby voiced, vocal fry (think of a constipated Kardashian saying ‘like’ 300 times) using individuals list off all their highly priced desires. When the realtor asks, “what’s your budget?” whomp whomp whommmmp…. you know it’s going to be hilarious. I have come up with just a few of my favorite general scenarios that crack me up the most.

Size Requirements

We need lots of space for all our friends and family to come stay and still have room for an office, every child needs their own room, hobby room, man cave, media room, and finished basement!


Granite counters, big island, gas stove are must haves! But we don’t cook

Appliances (again, they don’t cook!)

Budget dream kitchen

Pool by the ocean or lake

One wants a large swimming pool, the other doesn’t because they are afraid their 10 year old will drown

Room with a view

No caption necessary

Man Space

Man needs a luxurious place to hide from responsibilities

Must have a large master en suite with a soaker tub with double vanities

Single person needs double vanities

Womens’s appreciation room of DEBT

Woman needs a luxurious place to bask in her material possessions


Has 2 cars but needs that 3rd spot for a future adult child to live in while they find themselves, backpacking through Europe.

Stairs are DANGEROUS!


One wants a spanish style in Boston and the other wants a craftsman style in Florida.

One wants to be close to the city, or the other wants the country

We already have a tiny budget but we need to be close by restaurants, bars, coffee shops, and shopping.

Final House Hunters Ultimate Secret…… scroll down if you want it spoiled forever…………

The house has already been purchased prior to even being considered to be on House Hunters. Plus they always pick the house without furniture! If 2 houses have furniture, they will pick the empty one. If more than one house is empty, then it’s any one’s guess though. Also, if furniture is included or negotiable, then you can’t predict which house, either. So it’s not 100 percent spoiled!

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