Grieving the loss of my dad

Grief feels like this

Since my dad passed away on Nov 24th, my life has felt a lot like this air creature. Sometimes standing upright, looking normal for a few seconds, then bent over and upside down, in agony the next. I guess that’s how grieving a parent feels. I’ve grieved grandparents, an aunt, close friend, pets, but this is so much different. It’s pangs of regret for all the things my dad didn’t get to do, and then it doesn’t seem real. Like he’s just been at work and will be home later. It’s quite strange. Everything feels frozen in time.

But I just can't take a shower!


When people think of depression, people usually picture someone laying in bed, sleeping too much, too little, not eating, or socializing. But what people don’t know if that their personal hygiene can suffer as well.
I know, because this has been a major struggle of mine since I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in 2006. It didn’t help that I was also working full time during the day and taking college courses at night so my days could be as long as 16 hours, 4 days out of the week. My hygiene and diet were the first to suffer.
I would go an entire week without showering. This was especially noticeable because my hair is extremely fine, and oily. After the second day without a wash, I could bake biscuits with the oil on my scalp. My solution – tying it up in a tight bun.
I would also come after college classes at 11pm at night, eat a snickers bar for dinner and then go to bed without brushing my teeth. Boy that was a huge mistake that I paid very dearly for to the tune of multiple cavities in a short time and then years after leading to 2 root canals. Ouch. BRUSH YOUR TEETH KIDS!!!!
As more years passed, I just couldn’t force myself to shower more than once a week or at most every 4 days. I was married at the time and prone to chronic urinary tract infections which in turn lead to damage to my bladder wall in the form of interstitial cystitis. IC, as it’s abbreviated to, is the irritation of the bladder wall that when it is irritated can make you have all the symptoms of a UTI, pain, burning, frequency, drops of acidic pee coming out, but when you go to the doctor and pee in a cup, you have zero infection present. No cure, just cut back on acidic drinks and caffeine.
So along with dealing with severe mental illness, dealing with horrible cavities, dentist visits and being in constant bladder plain was the icing on the hygiene challenged cake.
So people that knew my struggles would just say, “Just take a shower and brush your teeth”. They wouldn’t understand when I said, “That’s easier said than done”.
As the years passed, I graduated college, got a job in my field, got divorced, lost my job of 10 years and the poor hygiene monster reared it’s ugly, smelly head. It had never really gotten much better but then it went to only showering once a month. I was pretty decent on brushing my teeth because dentistry is expensive and painful. Since I no longer had health insurance all teeth and body expenses were on me. Good ol USA!
After losing my job, my marriage, and everything I had worked my whole life for, my bipolar kicked up so bad that I could no longer work a job. I couldn’t get out of bed and wanted to commit suicide every day I had to go to work. Showers are not high on my priority list still, unfortunately. The longest I’ve gone is a month and a half without a shower. I just took one last night and scrubbed every nook and crannie of my body, degreased my hair and VOILA! I felt fantanstic. I really dont know why I don’t do it more often. Oh wait, mental illness, I remember now.
Adult cleansing cloths have gotten my through times when I’ve needed to go out and couldn’t bring myself to shower but I will clean myself up thoroughly with those and reapply my deodorant. No matter how long I go in between showering, I will NEVER smell. That is important to me. I can be the greasy girl, but never the greasy, SMELLY girl.

I love these!!!!
So whenver I see or hear someone talking about the oh so trendy “SELF CARE” thing that has become so popular, I roll my eyes, HARD. Women talking about doing their “self care” as taking a bubble bath, making time for reading, taking a walk, eating chocolate, or doing a face mask. To ME, “self care” is eating regular meals, trying to drink enough water so that you don’t have to be hospitalized for dehydration, taking a shower once a month to clean the bacteria off my skin, tending to any cuts or skin sores that might have arisen, or just brushing my teeth and surviving day to day.
No, I’m not bitter to healthier people who just need a bubble bath, but just remember there are always others out there struggling more than you, who are just trying to stay alive.


Emergency Medical Services—911

If the situation is potentially life-threatening, get immediate emergency assistance by calling 911, available 24 hours a day.

National Suicide Prevention hotline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 1-800-273-8255
Or visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio

1-888-628-9454

Options For Deaf + Hard of Hearing

Veterans Crisis Line

1-800-273-8255 Or Text 838255

Disaster Distress Helpline

1-800-985-5990 or Text TalkWithUs to 66746
If you are outside the United States, click here to Find Help in your area!!

The House Hunters Secret

(SPOILER AT THE END!!!)

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably seen at least one episode of HGTV’s (very scripted) house hunting show. My family and I are driven to madness listening to the “home buyers” valley girl speak, baby voiced, vocal fry (think of a constipated Kardashian saying ‘like’ 300 times) using individuals list off all their highly priced desires. When the realtor asks, “what’s your budget?” whomp whomp whommmmp…. you know it’s going to be hilarious. I have come up with just a few of my favorite general scenarios that crack me up the most.

Size Requirements

We need lots of space for all our friends and family to come stay and still have room for an office, every child needs their own room, hobby room, man cave, media room, and finished basement!

Kitchen

Granite counters, big island, gas stove are must haves! But we don’t cook

Appliances (again, they don’t cook!)

Budget dream kitchen

Pool by the ocean or lake

One wants a large swimming pool, the other doesn’t because they are afraid their 10 year old will drown

Room with a view

No caption necessary

Man Space

Man needs a luxurious place to hide from responsibilities

Must have a large master en suite with a soaker tub with double vanities

Single person needs double vanities

Womens’s appreciation room of DEBT

Woman needs a luxurious place to bask in her material possessions

GOTTA GET A GARAGE

Has 2 cars but needs that 3rd spot for a future adult child to live in while they find themselves, backpacking through Europe.

Stairs are DANGEROUS!

Style

One wants a spanish style in Boston and the other wants a craftsman style in Florida.

One wants to be close to the city, or the other wants the country

We already have a tiny budget but we need to be close by restaurants, bars, coffee shops, and shopping.

Final House Hunters Ultimate Secret…… scroll down if you want it spoiled forever…………


The house has already been purchased prior to even being considered to be on House Hunters. Plus they always pick the house without furniture! If 2 houses have furniture, they will pick the empty one. If more than one house is empty, then it’s any one’s guess though. Also, if furniture is included or negotiable, then you can’t predict which house, either. So it’s not 100 percent spoiled!

Hello!

Thank you for visiting my page. I decided to start this page as a place for the unpopular opinion. A place to express my opinions on everything from pop culture, beauty community, music, and other topics of interest. If this sounds interesting to you, give this page a follow.

I’ve always been largely ignored online. I say this because I have an uncanny ability to kill any open thread with my comment. Doesn’t matter how relevant. I will be posting my opinions without filter. It’s going to be so fun!

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